"Now I'm going to merely sit here on the side and laugh my ass off at how you sink into the quagmire like the triceratops." - Harlan Ellison
Brandon Heyerdahl |
Per Noisms's call for twelve one-sentence modules and Semiurge's excellent answer, behold! The one-sentence thing appears to have been beyond me, alas. On the other hand, I gave them codes! Which are kind of themselves like one-sentence descriptors. So all fair!
PSQ1 – Eight Unfortunate Candidates to the Chairmanship of the Union
Unconscionable
A patron the party doesn't particularly like (pays late, understates danger of the job, gives a bad feeling he might betray you any moment) hires the adventurer to rough up a political rival. Before long one of them is the one being coerced into running for elected office.
NFIII2 – Brittle Gateway Granting (almost) Infinite Knights
There's a war on – goblins and their ilk are pouring in from every sort of environment: forests, swamps, high desert, what have you – the laird for now holds the wall by porting in extra dimensional knights through an enchanted conduit – but the gateway can't take much more of this and the resultant knights are behaving increasingly erratically.
UDRLFB3
– The Onerous Knot Unexcogitable
An oracle says the next king will be known by their ability to tie down "the colossus" with ordinary rope – but what colossus and how can we get one (never mind the rope tying mini-game conducted by flipping coins of larger and larger denominations)?
Lisa Betournay |
DLO4
– An Undead Engine Requires Periodic Maintenance
After establishing a city-state on what is the vanilla-fantasy equivalent of a cursed Indian burial ground, the atavistic wizard-king constructs an apparatus to keep the hauntings from happening. Every once in a while, though, someone's got to go in to clear the grease trap or else all hell will start shuffling about. Guess who that somebody is this time?
ZXCI5
– Repeat Impressment by Profuse and Code-Divergent
Chivalrous Orders
It's a screwball comedy sort of where Henry Fonda has to carry on as if he is engaged to 3 different girls all the while the TRUE object of his ardor labors elsewhere in a hat shop, except they "girls" are gangs of murderous border reivers with palaisinian affectations. You're with us or against us friend Fierabras! All the gangs ostensibly serve the same feebleminded monarch, but predominantly focus their energies to loot anything not stapled secure. Join all ten at once and unbeknownst to the others and win a name level "Multidon" no matter how many XP.
FPA6
- Math ap Mathonwy's Fire Insurance
The powerful wizard is doing the rounds, inspecting his holdings and occasionally (it is said) leaving a smoldering wreck if his whims aren't satisfied to the letter. You know the type: Van Halen's article 126 wherein there will be no Brown M&Ms in the backstage area upon pain of show forfeiture. Except in this case the Brown M&Ms are jinxkins (he hates 'em), and wouldn't you know it, a week in advance of the wizard, your town's suddenly got a full-blown infestation.
Dorothea Braby |
LEV7
- Leg Irons for Dissolute Demi-Planes
Twice now a deranged enthusiast has erected an obelisk with the power to shape reality strange. Twice now this rebellion against nature has been harshly put down by the High Eldritch Counsel; mad scientist and tekhenu to boot imprisoned utilizing the very same extra-planar power as they engineered. Alas, these toxic twins times two have somehow found each other and although they themselves remain quarantined are communicating by metaphysical string telephone, the resultant longitudinal wave has become zone of havoc. But wait. This chaos chord is more of a triangle than an isolated segment - one of the vertices appears to be in the vicinity of the very Tower For Acts of White Witchery that put a stop to such shenanigans before. Is one of the H.E.C. is a little bit less on the square than he presents himself? And what is his satellite antennae of chaotic synchronization?
RTB8
- Soldiers of Cerulean Certitude
You know the Rogue
Trader cover. Imagine those guys seizing the center of town, in
particular the sacred spring contained therein. They ain't moving for
nobody. Take your pick of a d12 of reasons. Maybe their chief is
wanted by the crown for conspiracy, or else they hold that one of 31
flavor of apocalypse can be held at bay by 20 righteous men. Maybe
they are in the sacred spring-strangling business and the epoxy takes
a full month to cure. This is immaterial to the PCs, who have dire
need to access that sacred spring right now. (Operational
alternatives abound, but they are time-prohibitive, unless they are
not).
Behold this neat little first level spell: Kethervirus - which replaces a random spell from a rival spellcaster with itself, and then slowly eats its way through the others until everything is Kethervirus. Think you're about to fireball those orcs? Um, not so much. Wizards thus afflicted will shortly start doing some All Work and No Play Makes Jack a Dull Boy edits to their spellbook too. Spell Research rules in reverse to engineer a cure.
Arone Meeks |
KL10
- Collapse of the Astralic Northwest God Fishery
To celebrate their deliverance from bondage to cthuloid Brain Excoriators (copyright Pishogues of the Inland Empire, all rights reserved), Gith Yankees everywhere and according to their own inscrutable calendar set off megabombs amidst the stillness of the void. Alas, one particular bomb got a bit too big and its detonation disrupted the harvest of extinct pantheons around which Gith Yankee civilization is structured. Any further fishing's got to be done deeper into open astra, with even more delicious worms - it being well known that clerics calling on extant divinities for aid are considered particularly tasty - perhaps the party knows some?
B7E11
- Just the Pit Traps, Ma'am
This is the city, Opanimium . . . I work here . . . I'm an inquisitor. It was Bearsday, 18th year of King Radiaro's ascent, long may he reign, it was raining in Opanimium; we were working the night watch out of Western gate. Inquisitors in Opanimium work in pairs. My partner is Stabby Stavros, the Boss is Geumyoil the Burned, my name is Fríggjadagur. The ninth bell had just rung when I walked into the lab - the dials on the Spectre-graph were going crazy. The prisoner, was slumped, still twitching from his ordeal. The panicwright had turned white. "H-half the city," he raved, "Half the city has overnight got one-page dungeon inside of them!" As I looked, I could see the blue grids beginning to form underneath the panicwright's skin.
JMHVA12 - Objective Scoring of Murderhobo Handling and Stunning Practices in Slaughter Plants
During the past 25 years, murder hobo handling and stunning at more than 100 labyrinths has been increasingly scrutinized. Balance has been alternatively extolled and vilified as the game seeks to mediate the loss of beloved characters and resulting feelings of upset. Up to now, numerous mechanical innovations have been attempted: negative hit points, structural damage capacity, HP inflation, blank epistemological nihilism, a more comprehensive access to raise dead and resurrection. Such efforts have largely failed - the problem being the existence of stairs. Remove them! As it went for Iphigenia, death is the only escalator you need. Each occupation can be assigned a number - typically 1 for skulkers, 2 for heroes, 3 for men of magic (always the cleric, his soul rising skyward, receives a negative number from -1 to -3 per degree of militancy). The demise of each valiant opens a rent in the floor down that many levels for a full 24 hours. (PCs only please, lest the dungeon be portal-pocked as Emmental). With any luck, you can descend, fetch the valiants' manes and a bundle of treasure both, and escort all back to the surface to live again as men.
ETH Library |