b1 - SWORDS AGAINST ARTILLERY

This damn boat. This boat. Somebody is piloting it, running upriver, letting it drift again, shooting off eight bizarro cannons. They hit Iscyra. They hit Superbia. They knocked over some of the Lawful Goodfolk's towers. They punched through Hunch. 

Everybody is pissed.

Everybody is sending their people to put a stop to it.

She's a live one. A well-organized resistance while being boarded.

Edmund Ranklin Ward 

As your small skiff approaches, they train their cannons on you (ok, one cannon, roll 1d8 to see which)!

It takes a while, the cannons being ancient things from olden days on broken wheels. It's OSR innint, so the chassis of these terrible weapons are the bodies of dead Gods: as follows 

(thanks you Dan Sumption's https://twitter.com/deitygalaxy 

I am sorry, I came to worship but instead I killed them, after watering them up toward the sun with delusions of grander spheres of influence than industrial tidbits)

Treat any of these as breath weapons from a dragon (save for half the effect).

You've got time though. To train any one on you takes 1d6 turns. Given that you can scale the ship in 1d3 turns, you ought to be OK.

1    Zaraklou            Marsupial god of Industrial Agriculture

Two modes: Fertilizer and Napalm.

2    Joouj                  Will-o-the-wisp goddess of musique concrète

Screaming skull illusions. They'll drag you kicking and screaming to another plane unless you disbelieve them. Grippy teeth.

3    Wiechioauv        Mouse demon of heat sinks

Like a bath bomb, but full of rats.

4    Oup-lath            Hierophant and World Conquering Elephant of Sexy Fembots

Charm person and you'll be led around on a leash by the lady whose sigil has boffeted you.

Carl Barks

5    Goocxax            Oblivion god of deprecated protocols

Level drain - 1d3 levels! Save for no drain but a RUSH of memories from antique civilizations that overwhelms you for 1d6 turns and don't ever quite go away.

6    Eepgu'yäb         Readable by medium insect god of the Impervious Wall

A stream of locusts.

7    Lej-soujaua      Goddess of Social Darwinism and phrenology

Calipers. 1d20 permeant Charisma damage. If you fall below 3 charisma, you turn invisible because nobody will acknowledge you exist.

8    Kaboor             Many-limbed guardian of the 16 Esoteric Treasures

Guardian might be overstating it. Sometimes its chunks of concrete, but sometimes it's the priceless treasures that are being fired at you. Whatever is on hand goes into the cannon. The treasures will crawl back home over time, hit or miss. They'll make you go with them. Guard them.

They are the Picnic Basket, the Bugle, the Bicycle, the Snaffle, the Pen Knife, the Fire Pit, the Whetstone, the Fur Coat, the Soap Dish, the Backgammon set, the Cloak, the Poncho, the Anchovies, the Lightbulb, the Icecream, the Rolling pin, the Small but Full-throated dog.

Alexander Jansson

(in Kaboor's native form, he looks like a picnic from a distance, checkerboard tablecloth - there are flashes of some sort of horror: bear mauling or otherwise - his cannon body is also so disguised)